So, Hannah’s back in New York. Is that a good thing? More on that later.

First: Shoshanna. The episode begins with her at the end of a disastrous job interview, begging her interviewer for an honest critique of why she’s not getting the job. “I would like to know what’s wrong with me, and I’m honestly prepared for any answer.” But Shoshanna gets way more than she bargained for. The interviewer thought she was abrasive, tone-deaf, insensitive, and overly simplistic. Shoshanna counters that she’s found that people like to hear the cold, unvarnished truth—even going so far as to criticize her interviewer’s necklace—but it’s clear from the look on her face that though she loves to dish out judgments, Shoshanna herself has never faced real criticism, and isn’t capable of hearing it now.

The scene presents what may be the theme of the episode, and perhaps of the season so far: criticism, and how taking it or ignoring it indicates progress or its opposite. Hannah’s story in Iowa has so frequently revolved around the harsh criticism of her classmates; Jessa’s big breakthrough came when she stood down Adam’s criticism and still wanted him to be her friend. Now Shoshanna’s getting her own critical notes in a job interview.

In the very next scene, Marnie’s also asking for real, unvarnished feedback—she wants Jessa and Shosh to listen to the new song she and Desi wrote. But again, as in the job interview moments before, the person asking for honesty doesn’t really want it when it comes, and when Shosh and Jessa tell her that it’s the kind of song that you hate before you hear it a million times on the radio and then reluctantly love it, she’s hurt.

I’m torn on Desi and Marnie’s music, myself—I honestly can’t tell if it’s sentimental garbage, or the kind of thing that might succeed with the right audience. (This seems like a not-small point; opine in the comments, readers!) But one thing I’m definitely not torn on is Marnie’s relationship with Desi. He’s a user, an emotional vampire. And when he came weeping to Marnie’s door after breaking up with Clementine, I started to get very nervous for Marnie, even before Desi sort-of admitted that he broke up with Clementine preemptively, to lash back at her admission to having feelings for another guy. Marnie can’t see it now, but having Desi to herself is very, very bad news. He’s too narcissistic, too selfish, too needy to really be in a relationship with her. When it blows up in her face—and it will—where will her music career be then? Better to keep him as a professional collaborator, see what the partnership leads, then drop him at the first available opportunity.

Old man Ray, meanwhile, is dealing with a traffic problem outside his apartment window: a misfunctioning stoplight that has turned the neighborhood into a honking nightmare. I wasn’t a huge fan of this plotline at first. It seemed like something out of a 90s sitcom, a Seinfeld subplot, at best. But it came back in a nice way toward the end of the episode, after Shoshanna and Ray reconnected. These two provided the one real bright spot in the whole episode. They’re among the only people in the show who actually make each other better by being around each other. Separately, they’re often a mess, deluded and lacking self-awareness of how they come off to others. But together, they can be honest with themselves and each other, offering honest critiques and encouragement and actually growing. As they shopped together for shirts for Ray, Shoshanna admitted to being the one who destroyed their relationship; Ray, for his part, admitted that he wasn’t easy to take himself. And as they parted, Shoshanna gave Ray some good advice: don’t just scream at the honking drivers. Go to a city council meeting and get the damn stoplight fixed.

Which is exactly the point. Life isn’t easy. No one ever said it would be. But whether you’re dealing with a bad job interview, or mean criticism of your music from friends, or a lot of noise on your block, it doesn’t pay to go into a rage spiral. Buck up and get it taken care of.

Which brings us back, finally, to Hannah. Is it a good idea for her to leave Iowa? I don’t know. Hannah said that the program made her feel trapped, that it felt as though her classmates had put her in a cage. But largely, I believe the cage to be one of her own making, put up by her boorish, self-sabotaging behavior at every turn. I personally would’ve loved to see Hannah turn things around at Iowa, shock her classmates by working, doing consistently great work, and earning their respect. She could’ve started by making amends.

But she didn’t. Instead, she offered a faux “apology” that was actually a new form of passive-aggressive attack, blaming everyone around her for her difficulties instead of looking hard at herself. It wasn’t intended to be a step forward. Hannah’s letter, snuck into her classmates’ cubbies when no one was looking, was a hand grenade thrown into the center of her workshop—it was intended to blow things up and give Hannah a way out. For a moment she thinks she’s been kicked out because of her behavior, and she’s relieved.

But then again, who’s to say that Iowa wasn’t a toxic environment for Hannah? Life is hard, and growing up means putting up with the bad stuff and turning it into good stuff—yet at the same time, some situations are bad enough that you just have to remove yourself from them. Knowing the difference—knowing when something’s hard in a way that will make you better and wiser and stronger, and when it’s time to get yourself out of a bad situation for your own well-being—is extremely hard.

As Hannah’s father says, “No one else has to live in your mind, only you.”

And as Hannah says back, “It’s so, so tiring.”

Yes it is, Hannah. Yes it is.

Odds and Ends:

• You know, that interview could’ve gone worse for Shoshonna: she could’ve gotten no feedback at all. Most interviewers don’t tell you when they don’t like you; they just never call again. At least Shosh learned some things that she can use the next time around.

• I was pleased to see Gillian Jacobs show up at the end of the episode—even if it seems that she’s on the show as Adam’s new girlfriend.