Spring is in the air, and with spring comes the impulse to couple. If you end up asking out that special someone for a night with the movies, be careful what you watch. You might want to impress your guy or gal with an obscure art-house title, or take up some campy fun. Or go for a good date movie. But it’s easy to end up in an awkward, or worse, cinematic situation.
Our advice? Don’t over think it. And whatever you do, avoid these films. Compiled by The Stake contributors, here are the 10 Worst First Date Movies. Ever
10. Breaking Dawn Part 2
This movie ends with one of the worst fake outs of all time. But even without that, all the other things about this movie earn it a spot on this list.
Sub-suggestion: Twilight, Twilight: New Moon, Twilight: Eclipse, Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1
9. End of the Affair
One might look at the cover of this movie or the trailer and think this is sort of a romance. But it really is not a romance. Not at all. Plus, the thrusting pasty-white buttocks are likely to make someone-you or your date-uncomfortable.
8. Closer
Here’s a theme to charm your date: Love is a myth, and everyone is a fake. Love you!
7. The Sorrow and the Pity.
At over 4 hours this documentary about French capitulation with Nazi Germany is sure to inspire deep considerate thoughts about the human condition and leave any date in a stupor. If Alvy Singer and Annie Hall couldn’t make it work as a date movie, what chance do we mere mortals have.
Sub-suggestion: most Holocaust films, including the 9-hour long Shoah.
6. Teeth
Nothing zaps the mood, ANY mood, like vagina dentata.
5. Eyes Wide Shut
Is your date going to hang around long enough to, one day, hear you utter those magic words: “Honey, I’m bored with our marriage. I’m going to go a freemason orgy”?
4. Straw Dogs
Young wife takes husband back to England home. She gets brutally raped by old boyfriend and his buddies. Husband kills them all. Your night is ruined.
3. Valentine’s Day
Many films on this list are great films that are just not first-date appropriate. But might not the worst date movie might be the worst date movie? Does anyone really want to watch Taylor Swift and the wolf from Twilight act in a romantic drama-comedy? No.
Sub-suggestion: terrible movies starring loads of celebrities with nothing to do on Holidays (New Year’s Eve)
2. Requiem for A Dream
There are ten-thousands reasons not to make this your first date movie. Most of which are not appropriate in GIF form for the Stake. So just don’t. When you’re good and settled in a relationship, watch it because it’s great. But if you take a first date to Requiem, you better know what you’re doing.
1. Antichrist.
What happens to the players in this story, and their genitalia, should never be seen. By anyone. Especially on a first date.
Sub-suggestion: anything by Lars Von Trier
Tell us what we missed in the comments section. Did you ever take a date to a truly unfortunate film? Help others avoid your mistakes.
Editor’s note: never search for GIFs of Antichrist. Never.
The Lovely Bones was also a terrible choice for a first date, and probably the reason why she never agreed to a second date.
I haven’t seen Lovely Bones, but I can only imagine.